ROBOT CHICKEN: Stoopid Monkey, Stupid Bloons
by TheInhibitor
Summary: You never really understood how much monkeys hate balloons.


ROBOT CHICKEN: STOOPID MONKEY, STUPID BLOONS

INT. TREE DWELLING

A living room of a treehouse filled with bananas, a tire swing, and other things indicating that it is inhabited by monkeys.

MILDRED, a female monkey, is sitting on the couch and surfing the Web.

STOOPID MONKEY enters through door. Stoopid Monkey appears exhausted, and is covered in bright splotches of different colors. He looks like he's been in a vicious paint ball battle.

.

**MILDRED**

_(not looking up)_

How was your dart game, honey?

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(exhausted, panting)_

Oh my God, it was horrible out there, Mildred.

_(falls on his knees)_

Balloons everywhere! We threw our darts at them, but they kept coming! So we built defense towers to keep them from infiltrating the Monkeyverse! We tried gluing them and freezing them, but they just kept coming!

_(hysterical)_

Balloons of different colors, and then balloons inside of balloons! So we brought in cannons and missiles and wizards! But they just came back with invisible balloons, lead balloons, and dirigibles! Dirigibles, Mildred! Dirigibles filled with more balloons! Followed by even bigger dirigibles filled with dirigibles! So we came back with airplanes and supermonkeys! We even invoked a sun god!

_(raging skyward)_

A sun god, Mildred! We summoned a sun god to protect the Monkeyverse from the balloons! And just in case that wasn't enough we threw some tacks on the ground! And it worked!

_(calming down)_

It worked, Mildred. It was horrible, awful, we almost lost everything.

_(almost sobbing)_

But it worked, Mildred. It worked.

.

Stoopid Monkey collapses on all fours, depleted.

.

**MILDRED**

_(not looking up)_

Mm-hm.

_(brief pause)_

Honey, I thought you liked balloons.

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(straightens up, pauses, then softly)_

Oh, you're right.

_(pensively)_

I do. I DO like balloons.

.

**MILDRED**

_(not looking up)_

Most monkeys do, dear.

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(softly, having a revelation)_

Oh, my gosh, I never thought of it that way —

.

**MILDRED**

_(not looking up)_

Don't you think an apology is in order?

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

Huh?

.

**MILDRED**

_(not looking up)_

Why don't you go back and apologize to the nice man bringing the balloons?

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

Oh.

_(uncomfortable)_

Yeah. Uh —

.

**MILDRED**

_(not looking up)_

Honey, is there something wrong?

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(standing up)_

Yeah, uh, we dragged him out to the lake and shot him in the head, so —

_(pause)_

Yeah. I'll, uh, go tell him we're sorry.

.

Stoopid Monkey walks to the front door, OPENS it.

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(yelling to neighbors)_

Hey, guys, I just realized we're monkeys! We actually LIKE balloons!

.

**FRIEND 1**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

Oh, my gosh, you're right! I never thought of it that way!

.

**FRIEND 2**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

You know, I was kind of thinking the same thing halfway into building the plasma ray but, we were getting so much done, I didn't want to say anything!

.

**FRIEND 3**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

Yeah, balloons are awesome! They're different colors, they float, and they always stay on the pathway, it's really very considerate of them!

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(yelling to neighbors)_

Yeah, I'm beginning to think we sort of got carried away!

.

**FRIEND 1**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

But it's totally understandable! We had darts, and they're balloons, it's only natural! I mean, maybe the wizard and the sun god thing were going a little far, but still!

.

**FRIEND 2**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

Yeah, it's like bubble wrap! Once you start, you just can't stop until the whole thing is finished!

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(yelling to neighbors)_

OK, but the balloon guy was trying to bring color and joy to our lives, and we killed him and threw our feces at him! I feel like, you know —

_(looking at Mildred, then turning back outside)_

I feel like an apology is in order!

.

**FRIEND 3**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

Oh, my gosh, yeah, I forgot about that part!

.

**FRIEND 1**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

Yeah, we really did throw a lot of feces at him!

.

**FRIEND 2**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

That would actually be pretty funny if he wasn't, like, a real human being who was dead now and covered in our feces!

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(yelling to neighbors)_

I know, right?!

.

**FRIEND 3**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

No, but it's OK, though! He was having an affair with my wife!

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(yelling to neighbors)_

He was?!

.

**FRIEND 3**

_(off-camera, cheerful)_

Pretty sure, yeah!

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

_(yelling to neighbors)_

Oh, wow! That's great!

_(pauses, smiling, then yelling to neighbors)_

Well, all right, then!

.

Stoopid Monkey CLOSES the front door, and turns to Mildred.

.

**STOOPID MONKEY**

See, honey? This worked out OK after all.

.

END SCENE.


End file.
